Insomnia Is My Best Friend

So I find that in the wee hours of the morning/night I tend to start thinking a lot about my life and all the things that have happened and that I want to happen. My mom constantly tells me that by putting out things into the environment that you are in, you are sure to reap those vibes. So I have decided to take her up on this idea and post a few dreams of mine that I want 2012 to bring me (and preferably before Dec.22 since we are all supposed to die),

1) I want to be HAPPY with my internship with the Honors College.
There have been so many twists and turns on my path to now since I decided to forgo pursuing a psychology degree post-undergrad and change my focus to Student Affairs. I originally wanted to spend this next year of my life traveling the country helping different Alpha Gam chapters as a Leadership Consultant. However, that dream was crushed when they told me I appeared to be an overprepared robot who seemed unpersonable and unrelatable. Then I thought that I would apply to graduate school at WKU, Memphis, and FIU with a graduate assistant position in the Student Activities Office. Sadly, this was not the path I was supposed to take either because I didn't have enough experience as an undergrad to qualify me over another for the position (let's just say he had to be pretty amazing if that's the real reason). Now, after some confusion with the GA position I have now, I think that ultimately this worked out the best for me. Not only will I be working in a department that functions much better than our Student Activities Office, but I'll be working with new people.  I just hope that I love the work that I end up doing and the people that I will be working with.  I really just want to feel included and at home there.

2) I want to be HAPPY with my love life.
I know that this is the part of my life where I'm the most impatient because I want it the most. I want to just have the comfort of being with someone who will be in a relationship with me in order to better himself and me simultaneously. In constantly analyzing my failed attempts at relationships I realize that I have always gone after or been approached by the wrong types of guys (those who are not ready to settle down). The smooth talkers, the nice dressers, the guys who you would love to bring home to your parents because they have impressive resumes. However, Carrie Bradshaw put it best when she said a "good on paper guy" does not translate to good in real life. I wish that I could convince myself to either just have fun being single or to like one of the guys that I know like me because I know that they would treat me well. This is quite possibly the area of my life that I feel needs the most work. In a perfect world, I would end up with someone who just wants what's best for and wants to be a part of that. I would be able to give so much in a relationship and there are seldom times when I find those willing to do the same for me (especially males). I have instances of such with some people, but I don't want to settle for instances. I want that feeling of ease and contentment ALL the time.

3) I want to be financially stable.
This is the area of my life that is the most in my control. I could have achieved this had I been smart and listened to my mom when she told me to start saving a portion of my paychecks each week. It has never really affected me until my recent foray into the world of adulthood, involving the paying of multiple bills each month. I know that my time to reach stability is coming, but again my impatience is getting the better of me. (mostly I want a new wardrobe because my current stuff is getting old :/)

4) I want to be able to have a nice routine to my life.
Not having a routine is killing me. I'm not used to it.  This summer more than others has definitely imprinted my adultness onto my brain and being and I'm feeling every bit of it all the time. I am feeling tired and stressed from being overworked, underpaid, exhausted, and frustrated. My body can't handle the way that I treat it ( I say this as I am typing other than sleeping). I want to be able to sleep fully through the night without alcohol and say that I got the rest I needed to be productive.

All in all I just want to feel better about my life in general while still being thankful for what I have and trying my best to make the most of it.

Insomnia is now losing...